HOW THE HELL DO WE GET THERE?



So you may be asking yourself how are we supposed to get to the big city?

Airports:
Laguardia: The best. Sure it is the smallest and the grimiest and has the shittiest duty free… But it is by far the closest and the easiest, and because of the grime and its shitty demeanor, it is also the quietest. I would do anything I can to fly to Laguardia.

JFK: This is a wonderful, big shiny international airport! And because of that it is FULL of lost tourists and hassles. (If you already booked into JFK, SOOORRY…) Bottom line: it is the farthest from Manhattan.

Newark: Unless you are trying to cross the Garden State off your bucket list, in the most harmless way possible, we don’t recommend this option.

Islip (Long Island): For you folks coming from the Orlando area, this is certainly an option. Sanford to Islip is a very painless flight on a few budget airlines, and the one time we took this route, the Long Island Railroad proved to be a reliable form of transport into Manhattan with the only gripe being several connections and trains and cabs which all have to be met in time or you are left waiting for the next one with all of your worldly possessions.

Driving:
So you won’t be traveling in a chair in the sky? Well driving is perfectly painless as well. We won’t bother you with things like directions (I am assuming you all have grown accustomed to the inter-web by now). But once you get here you will need to do something with your fancy automobile. Two options: Garage or the Street. I actually recommend the latter. The street may be more of a pain in the ass but it is exponentially cheaper than garages, that is, as long as you don’t get any tickets… The NYC parking authority gets pretty gangster with their tickets and a simple mistake CAN cost you hundreds. If you are staying in our neighborhood, the on-street parking can be hard to find occasionally but we usually have pretty good luck with it! Other than fire hydrants it is pretty straight forward—just follow the instructions on the nearest sign. But if you have questions, we are here to help.